“6’1. Outgoing. Ambitious. Sarcastic. Dog dad. Gym. Traveller. Foodie. Free-spirited. Just a good mood.”
As I was dating and scrolling through profiles, lists of adjectives like this were instantly off-putting. They felt strangely cold, like I was reading a list of cars for sale instead of meeting a person. At the time, it was just a gut reaction. It took me several years (and three studies)1 to find out why this “selling” strategy backfires and what works better instead.
strangely marketing companies, including those that sell cars, have long understood the limitations of listing features. They know that telling a story about their brand or product increases consumer curiosity, engagement and emotional connection. You are not only buying a fast and safe car; you are buying an heirloom that will protect your family on every journey.
Why do bullet points attract kills
From the cradle to the grave, we are charmed by good tales. Think about the last time someone said something very nice to you: You relied on it. The moment you forgot yourself. You were suddenly “out there”, in their world, not yours. In this fun mode, you are not alone understand what about you feeling it You care about the characters, you worry about their fate and you want to know what happens next.2 This feeling of “making it” is exactly what bullet points rarely create.
Besides entertaining, stories also shape judgments.3 When we get to know a character and feel part of the story world, we process the information experientially (rather than analytically). And it makes us take in much more of what we hear than a sequence of facts or bullet points.4 Stories don’t just inform us; they make us feeling something And emotions make decisions.
Therefore, it will not surprise you to learn that storytelling is widely accepted as a marketing tool. Research supports these insights, showing that with the help of compelling stories, brands can differentiate themselves from others. In this way, they can easily acquire potential customers. attention and spark desire for a brand or its product, which ultimately increases the likelihood that people will choose it over alternatives.2
We wanted to see if what works in the car markets works in the dating industry. So we asked a simple question: If stories sell cars, can they get someone to meet you?
In three studies1We showed single participants dating profiles that either presented self-awareness or offered a non-narrative of a potential partner. After viewing the profile, participants reported feelings of sympathy and romantic interest in the profiled person (potential partner).
Lesson 1: Same facts, different formats
In the first study, self-presentation and non-self-presentation had the same basic information. This was not the main difference what a potential partner was discovered; was What kind of revealed.
Profile A: Unofficial Story (facts only)
“Dan. I come from the world of art. I learned to play the guitar from a young age. My first guitar was a gift from my grandfather. Even today I play a lot. It is my main hobby. After graduating from high school, I traveled to South America with my friends. This trip was long and unforgettable. I tried different activities, sports and experiences during the trip. On the trip, I had meaningful conversations with them. I entered the university from South America. I know you.”
In state of expression this information is structured as a story with a plot involving potential partners who experience causally related events over time.
Profile B: Story (life in motion)
“Hello, I’m Dan. I have been breathing art for as long as I can remember. memory blessed, he believed that music connects people and at the age of 7 he gave me a guitar that became an inseparable part of me. After graduating from high school, I flew to South America with my friends. I remember the amazing scenery, amazing local food and extreme activities. I have to tell you that deep conversations with people I met there taught me to appreciate the important things in life. At the end of the journey I had to decide whether to stay in art or go in a new direction. I don’t leave you in doubt. Today I am an economics student working in high technology. But don’t worry, the guitar is still a part of me. If I’m not studying or working, you’ll find me hanging out with friends and family, running, or playing music. But mostly, I like to end the day with a glass of wine and a guitar on the balcony. If you nod with a smile, I would like to meet you.’
Lesson 2: Pictures can also tell a story
In a second study, we attempted to replicate these effects using pictorial self-recognition, as pictures contribute to impression formation in online dating profiles versus text.5 Participants viewed a potential partner’s profile, which included five photos that we varied by how much they “told a story.”
In mode of expressionthe photos depicted the potential partner in various situations that would unfold like a typical day, from dawn to dusk. In particular, photographs capture early activities such as exercise or study, progress through daily routines such as cooking, and end with evening activities such as socializing or family interaction.
Seen together, this chronological presentation of the different aspects of a potential partner’s life and relationships creates a “slice of life” that provides a sense of who the person is and how it feels to be with them.
In informal status, the photos showed the same potential partner in neutral settings, such as in a park or on the street, without that connecting thread.
Lesson 3: Real life profiles
In the third study, we examined whether the combined self-presentation of written and visual cues that closely resemble real dating platforms produces the strongest effects on empathy and interest in a potential partner. Here, participants saw one of four profiles, (a) a written or informal self-introduction, and (b) five self-descriptive photos that were or were not narratively related.
What did we find?
Narrative self-presentation in online dating profiles increased empathy for the profiled person. This heightened empathy, in turn, predicted greater romantic interest in a potential partner.
Why stories work
By humanizing profiles and encouraging genuine emotional engagement, stories actively challenge the objective nature of online dating platforms. Such self-awareness leads daters to see the people on their profile as fellow citizens, not mere commodities. In this way, storytelling creates a meaningful emotional experience that transcends isolated evaluations or simple collection of facts and paves the way for meaningful primary communication. Overall, narrative presentations foster a sense of connectedness in an otherwise isolated online dating environment. And it does this even before sending a single message.
Check out this quick swap: Turn Icons into Live Patterns
- Instead of “Funny,” try “I laugh at my own jokes first. It’s a character flaw.”
- Instead of “Outdoors,” try “Most weekends I disappear to the trail, come back sunburned, and vow to bring more water next time.”
- Instead of “Independent,” try “I like my alone time. I also like to share it with someone.”
Look at your last text or your bio. Did you write a list or say a scene? Try changing a bullet point to a story today and see how it goes.
Achievement
We love stories, but we write our dating profiles like shopping lists. After all, it’s not about height or ambition someone will fall on you. This is your whole story. And the right person can’t feel it from bullet points.
