Psychotherapy is a luxury you deserve.
When I was 20 years old, I went to psychotherapy. At that point in my life, I had tried everything that would have brought me happiness—college, marriage, moving to another city—and I was becoming increasingly unhappy. I wasn’t a mental mess; I wasn’t seriously depressed. The truth was that what I felt was the same as many women my age. But I was worried about how my life was going so far and I was running out of ideas about what I could do to change it. So I went into therapy.
And it was my best decision. It changed my life, or rather what I learned about myself changed me and allowed me to change my life. But I was always nervous about revealing that I was in therapy. I’ve been open about my psychological insights, but I say they come from the “self-centered period.” There was such a propaganda about psychics, who were called hunger and gurus. And therapy was seen as something for “lunatics” at best and at worst weak, self-absorbed and rich people. People were skeptical of psychotherapy, blaming it for destroying marriages and destroying families.
For some time, people have been influenced by the popular belief that psychopharmaceuticals are more effective than psychotherapy. Proponents have argued that research cannot prove that psychotherapy can actually produce real change and dispute any long-term effects. But the long-term effects of psychotherapy are too subtle to measure using the methods used in outcome studies. Critics of psychotherapy have also argued that both patients and patients improved over time. But it turned out to be a very dehumanizing point, because those who were in therapy had a more excruciating recovery period than those who suffered with their symptoms.
And what about the immediate beneficial effects of psychotherapy? Many patients come to mid-crisis treatment suffering from anxiety and depression, and they are helped through the crisis and their symptoms are alleviated. Afterward, they often stay in therapy to think about other changes they want to make in their lives. In August 2012, after extensive research, the American Psychiatric Association concluded:
The solution is that as a therapeutic practice and professional service, psychotherapy is effective and very cost-effective. In controlled trials and in clinical practice, psychotherapy results in benefits that are significantly greater than those who need mental health services but do not receive psychotherapy. Therefore, psychotherapy should be integrated into the health care system as an established evidence-based practice.
In the last five years, I have noticed a change in the public. People seem to be talking more openly about being in psychotherapy. Bloggers casually note that “at my last session, my therapist told me…” Friends and colleagues discuss going to therapy the same way they talk about going to the gym or yoga class. Hmmm, are attitudes to psychotherapy changing?
Last month I went to a conference in Los Angeles that offered it school of life a global organization dedicated to “educational skills that develop emotional intelligence and promote mental well-being.” On the first evening, the lecturer and founder Alain de Botton announced that he had something important, and at that moment he clicked on a slide that simply said: “You need psychotherapy!” I wanted to get up and cheer. Here it was in the open for all to see! Psychotherapy was said to be a good thing that each of us could benefit from.
And it is. Spending time in a safe, private, and confidential space with someone whose only interest is getting to know you and understanding you. Someone who knows how to listen and is in tune with what you are saying and feeling. Someone who doesn’t have preconceived notions about you or wants something from you. In this unique experience, you will be surprised by what happens because you also get to know yourself better. Psychotherapy is a luxury you deserve.
I am glad that the attitude towards psychotherapy is changing. I am happy that the stigma that once attached to it is disappearing. I’m glad it’s moving from being seen as something for crazy people to something that’s useful for everyone. And I’m proud to say that one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life was going to psychotherapy. I absolutely recommend it to everyone I know and anyone who reads it today.
This post was originally published on March 25, 2019 and has been updated to reflect new insights.
