To deal with the latter body image struggles, Nancy plans to go to the gym on her way from work. It is a stress day and even though she has her gym clothes in the car, at the last minute Nancy decides she just doesn’t feel like it. He goes home and relaxes on the sofa.
When she slows down, she the inner critic with messages like: “You’re just lazy” and “You never follow through on your plans” and “You always start things but can’t seem to stick to them.”
Does Nancy’s story sound familiar? Experiment blame and shame Motivate Nancy to work or they will destroy Nancy in the end motivation to be more active?
First, is Nancy’s story telling guilt or shame? If only guilt was involved, Nancy would feel guilty about not going to the gym and then continue. However, Nancy’s inner dialogue goes beyond a single act and includes labels about her. personalityindicates that it is a shame.
Shame seems to be more harmful to our mental health than guilt. We often become shy when we believe that others are judging us. A person may feel guilty after overeating, while when there is shame, the person believes that they lack self-control or are lacking in some way.
There is some evidence that shame serves a functional purpose, promoting behavior change and helping a person focus and concentrate. self regulation. In the past, this belief led medical and mental health professionals to try to motivate their patients and clients through guilt trips. However, more recent evidence supports that shame actually impairs motivation and negatively affects health and well-being.
Persistent shame, known in the literature as “chronic shame” reinforced by the anticipation of shame. It is a constant feeling that there is something wrong or that we are lacking in some way.
Nancy may experience chronic shame associated with her body dissatisfaction. If she experiences heavy demeaning messages from friends, family members, and health professionals on a daily basis, these negative messages are likely to become internalized. In other words, she believes these negative messages, creating a direct path to chronic shame.
A person whose body does not fit the mold accepted by society not only feels bad for engaging in (or not engaging in) a particular behavior, they believe that there is something wrong with their mind or body and that they are to blame.
Researchers have found that shame does not promote healthy behavior. Instead, shame does the opposite. Shame worsens physical and mental health several ways:
- Biological: Shame leads to a stress response that leads to increased cortisol levels and ultimately increased inflammation.
- Psychological: Shame is associated with mental health (depression, anxietyand eating disorders) along with alcoholism and addiction.
- Behavior: People who experience weight loss (which induces shame) are more likely to engage in overeating, avoidance of exercise, and avoidance of health care.
- Social: Shame is associated with it social isolation. In addition, those who experience marginalization, or even alone fear or waiting for social rejection, they have bad health.
What can we do to reduce shame in ourselves and others?
1. Cultivating self-compassion
Pay attention to yourself the inner critic. Is what you say to yourself what you say to a good friend? Would Nancy tell someone she cared deeply about, “you’re just lazy”? We hope not. According to the self-discovery researcher Dr. Christine NeffHolding compassion means being kind to yourself.
When you don’t follow through on your plan, it’s more helpful to address your mistakes with gentleness and encouragement. First, acknowledge how you feel. Nancy might think, “I’m disappointed that I didn’t go to the gym as much as I had planned. I think it would have helped me de-stress.”
Next, ask yourself, what would you say to a good friend who decided not to go to the gym? Talk to yourself instead. Nancy might say, “Today, I made the best decision I could have made given the difficult day I’m about to have. And tomorrow, when I’m in a similar situation, I’ll have more information to make an informed decision about my care needs.”
2. Understand health problems
Health outcomes go beyond personal health-related changes. Factors like geneticsto social determinants of health (SDoH), and health disparities Marginalized individuals are all factors.
Our health does not depend on one decision to change behavior, and while patterns over time can contribute to chronic disease, there are other very powerful contributors that we often don’t consider. Some people are models of health in terms of eating, exercising, sleeping, and abstaining from drugs and alcohol and still experience illness.
The blame game is not only offensive, it is simply wrong. Blaming our physical health outcomes solely on our “lifestyle choices,” habits, and patterns misses important pieces of the health puzzle that are often completely out of our control. It helps to keep health-related patterns as a small piece of a very large pie.
3. Communication with compassion and injustice
Whether we talk to ourselves or to others, remember that a guilt trip is not helpful and creates a lot of negative energy. Trying to convince others to make changes by showing them why their current patterns are not good for their health can seriously damage your relationship.
Don’t assume that those who express concern about their habits want your input or opinion. They often want a listening ear—someone who can empathize and share a common humanity. Using guilt and shame as a motivator for change usually does not motivate and is more likely to lead to a backlash that results in inaction and damage to human relationships.
