If you’ve ever sat in a doctor’s office with your parents and felt your stomach drop, you know how lonely caregiving can be. It’s difficult. It is misleading. And the health care system doesn’t make it any easier — even for Oscar winner Laura Dern.
Dern recently lost her mother, actress Diane Ladd, to complications from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF). a progressive lung disease that damages the lungs and gradually makes it harder to breathe. IPF falls under the umbrella of interstitial lung disease, a group of more than 200 lung disorders that are notoriously difficult to diagnose. Symptoms (such as a persistent cough or shortness of breath) are often dismissed as asthma, allergies or bronchitis.
Ladd was an Oscar-nominated actress, including for Rambling RoseShe played Dern’s mother on screen. (Fun fact: They’re still the only mother-daughter duo ever to be nominated for an Oscar for the same movie.) The pair also penned a memoir, Honey, baby, me, that they thought about Ladd’s life, family and illness.
Now, Dern wants more people to understand what families dealing with chronic illness really go through. He watched his mother struggle for answers after doctors offered little guidance and gave her a prognosis that turned out to be wrong seven years later. )Before his death, Ladd was a partner with Boehringer Ingelheim Besides the woundswas an IPF awareness campaign, and Dern was asked to continue her story. Here, she opens up about self-awareness, self-care, and the little things that helped her family survive an impossible season.
As for being your own advocate:
"I was raised by an honest mother. But (even though she) taught me how to do it, I was embarrassed. I was like, “I don’t mean to be rude.” I almost apologized to an incomparable professional. And my mother said: “No. We do not ask for forgiveness. He did not give us any answer. We will not leave this office until we get an answer. And if he doesn’t give them to us… we’ll get a second opinion.’
I said, “Don’t tell him that.” He will be upset.’ She’s like, “What? I’m not dating him.”
She truly taught me that fighting for your answers, your health, and your life is a birthright."
You need another doctor if you:
"The first specialist we saw diagnosed the mother – I’m not exaggerating – probably three minutes at the most (with us). The second pulmonologist was with my mom during the interview and spent about an hour showing us x-rays, explaining the disease and our options. You want to find someone who will really spend time with you to help you understand and give you a way forward. “
When faced with a dire diagnosis:
“When you live in the unknown because you’re afraid of a prophecy you don’t want to hear, you lose time. My mother was told she had three to six months to live. She lived another seven and a half years. During this time, she shot two movies, worked on a TV series, wrote a memoir with me, wrote a biography and screenplay, studied at a university.” He watched his grandson play live music for the first time. And he did it cheerfully, with his health perfectly intact.”
About life in the sandwich generation:
"Four years ago, I had a high school graduation, a daughter in the school play, as well as two parents and two step-parents who were all in different L.A. County hospitals at the same time. And I am an only child. I remember laughing with my best friend and saying, “Oh, I’m definitely going to miss it.” But you always get through it, and there’s someone who loves you, who’s amazing, and says, “Did you drink water today?” Here is a Turkish oven.’ Or: “You go home and rest, I’ll stay here tonight.” Find your village, your community of loved ones who care for you, so you can show up as a caregiver because you obviously can’t do it on your own."
On how to appear for someone:
“Don’t wait to ask. That’s why there’s too much food. So there’s too many people caring. So too many people calling and making you laugh or telling you a silly story. Think it’s a big problem. Especially elderly patients, they deserve too much love, too much care, too many funny stories, too many people who don’t want to spend the night in the hospital.” alone”.
About Google icons:
"Part of being a caregiver is research. People say, “Oh my gosh, Google searches—you can really blow your mind. Ask questions, not to scare yourself, but just to start saying, ‘Okay, wait a second, maybe we should see a pulmonologist instead of just a general practitioner and get checked out.’ be.”
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
