In the US, there is a positive tyranny, a belief that most of us relate to, that it is okay to be sad. Therapists are tasked with dealing with emotions phobia common culture when it comes to any sense happiness. One manifestation of this belief system that I see in my clinical practice is that it is not okay to judge.
I had no idea that accepting judgment would be so therapeutic for my clients. Over the years, I have encouraged my clients to confide in me their thoughts, criticisms, and negatives. Many responded with great hesitation for fear of being judged. Soon I was proselytizing: “Therapy a space where no judgment can be made!” In fact, I believe that your solutions can be very useful.
For one, there is an evolutionary purpose to judgment. When we feel that someone can be hurtful and dismissive, competitive and dismissive, this is valuable information or narcissist and unreasonable. This information tells us if it is safe to approach someone. Judgments contain valuable signals about risk and danger that have helped us survive.
Fields outside of psychology have recognized the value of judgment. Self-help Book titles continue to reveal our cultural suspicion of judgment, with titles like The judgment trap and Detox sentence. However, business authors consider judgment to be of high importance leadershipwith titles like Verdict: How winning leaders make great calls. There is also a strong literature on the utility of judgment in law and juries decision making.
Fear of being judged by others can cause problems. Take some of the experiences I’ve had at the professional level. Some women are afraid to meet potential suitors for fear of being judged. Others shy Far from judging your spouse, who is, in fact, cheating. Women, especially, can be taught to suppress their judgments about men as individuals unconscious manifestation of immorality. I have also seen men who continue their harmful behavior childhood because they are afraid that their parents will criticize them for instilling this behavior in them.
This does not mean that judgment does not require scrutiny. Donald Rothberg suggests meditation workshop at Rock Spirit Center called “Changing the Judgmental Mindset”. In his training, he points out that judgment usually comes after pain. He gave the example of a supervisor who dismissed a concern he raised in a meeting, leading to harsh judgments against him. Noting the trauma that occurs before judgment can be enlightening. However, these judgments are often born out of common sense experience – an unsupported boss should be treated with caution.
As I approach my middle age with growing confidence, I have learned to take my decisions seriously. Still figuring out where our judgments come from – are they a projection of our own issues or a reflection of real concern? In the end, we have to allow our judgments formand use them to inform our right action.
