Often times, as women, we get so caught up in something and someone else that we forget who we are. Or maybe we’ll never know.
Between programming, societal expectations, and our environment, sometimes we are born into roles that are already in place. My daughter Employee. Woman Careful. A strong one. The one who holds everything together.
We step into these roles because they are expected, because of our belief system, because they are familiar, because somewhere along the way we learned what a “good” woman looks like.
Then comes middle life. Usually around 40 years old. And we start asking questions. I wonder why life is the way it is and if we had any real say in the choices that shaped it, why we didn’t have a say in so many things.
The gift of midlife and the transition to the pre-menopausal years and beyond is palpable. Often, when our children grow up or leave the house, space becomes available. A space that hasn’t existed in decades. And this is how we hear ourselves again.
At first, it may feel a little wrong. Like, we break the rules and are rebels. Why do we question the life that has been ours for so long?
But perhaps the better question is: Why did we live a life that was not our own? Why do we follow the rules without resistance or pushback? When did we decide to stop designing life?
My life was pretty standard. I did what was expected and didn’t question it. That changed when both my parents died young and I started to question everything.
Why was I spending all this time doing things that didn’t make me happy? What if I did everything “right” and never enjoyed it? What is the matter?
My thinking changed overnight and I questioned everything. If I didn’t want this future, something had to change.
Self-discovery started for me around 40 and it’s still going. At first it was uncomfortable. Pushing the boundaries. Stopping habits. Let go of expectations. Disappointing people. Learning about boundaries.
As time passed, things felt different. I started to believe in myself. I started listening to that quiet inner voice instead of the loud outer voice. I made choices that felt right to me, even when they didn’t make sense to anyone else.
I started to look more like myself than ever. It was liberating. A new way of life has appeared. One that felt like it was truly mine. And it felt so good!
Yes, we women are educators. We are drawn to helping, supporting and healing others. But at this stage of life we also turn inward. To ask ourselves what we need. How good it feels. What makes us feel like ourselves again? Even the main question: what do I want?
There is a lot of freedom here.
If you are just starting out, here are some things that will help you on your journey:
Quiet time before anyone gets up
Even 10 minutes can make a difference. A cup of tea, a newspaper and no expectations. Do a brain dump and put everything on paper. Don’t think, just write. Note that it brings things up without judgment. It’s time to check in with yourself before the world demands anything of you.
Movement and breath
It’s not about working out or hitting the gym. It’s about connecting with your body and breath. Qigong, yoga, tai chi, or just stretching on the living room floor. Moving slowly and deliberately reminds you that you live in your body, not just your head. Even a few minutes can release tension and reset your emotions.
Get out in nature
Fresh air, trees, water, sky. It’s simple but powerful (and free!). Nature helps you slow down, gain perspective, and quiet the noise. Even a short walk or sitting in the park can help you feel grounded and more like yourself.
Restore your nervous system
Many of us have lived in transition for decades. Moments to pause, breathe and slow things down. Try deep belly breathing, meditating for a few minutes, or just sitting quietly. These small actions allow your body and mind to reset and make room for clarity.
None of these require major changes. They are small and continuous ways to return to yourself. Over time, they lay the groundwork for the restoration of parts of you that have been quietly waiting for attention.
And it starts from there.
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SoulTreat Retreat 2026
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Kim is a PSYCH-K® Facilitator; Best International Author; Reiki Master; Intuitive healer; Lecturer and teacher.
Using her extensive PSYCH-K® knowledge and training, Kim has become an expert in changing the perception of stress and replacing any limiting or negative subconscious beliefs. This is the key to living a happy and fulfilling life because we can work on strengthening our foundational beliefs that focus on self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance.
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