“A Freudian a slip is when you say the same thing but mean your mother.”
Most of us laughed after hearing this. Although some psychological theories have overemphasized the role of the mother in the child’s psychological struggles, current thinking is more balanced and considers raising a child as a joint endeavor. Regardless, a mother’s influence is far-reaching. There is no such relationship. When my mother died, I sadness it was unique. It was as if a part of me was going with him – the part that had been there since the beginning and could never be separated from him. However, at the same time, a part of her – she wisdom– stayed with me and survived.
My mother never studied psychology at university; life was his professor. If she had chosen psychology school, I think it would have been positive psychology. Her approach is based on values and is based on a positive foundation.
Here are five life lessons I learned from him based on his values optimismresponsibility, dedication, love, creativityplay and peace.
Optimism
My mother has been through a terrible time divorce at a time when divorce was shameful. She had a child, no job, and had to move back in with her parents. His musician father was so upset that he stopped playing the banjo and never picked up another instrument. If his story had ended here, it would have been what Don McAdams called a story of contamination, but it didn’t. The next chapter of her life was about meeting my father unexpectedly and the joy that relationship brought to her life, turning a story of contamination into a story of redemption. When I was feeling down or sad, she would tell me this story and say: “You never know when something good is going to happen.”
Responsibility
My mother suffered a lot depression after his divorce and thought his life was over, but he had my little sister, whom he loved very much, in his care. She wanted to die but decided to raise her daughter despite being a single working parent in a day when that was almost unheard of.
You only need one reason to live. When I was training to become a psychologist, I had a supervisor who advised me to repeat these words suicide patients. My mother was a living witness of this truth.
Selfishness and Love
My mom would never make a cake out of a mix, no matter how tired or pressed for time she was. Every cake she bakes is carefully mixed from scratch with love for the ingredients. I tried a cake from the mix once. Too much blame. Never used cake mix since. What I learned goes deeper.
Parent with minimal shortcuts, whether your kids are toddlers or adults. There are so many distractions, so many devices. AI. Videos. Audio books. Go the extra mile for your kids. They will remember it. My mother taught me that time spent working with children is valuable and creates lasting memories.
Creativity
My mother never went to college. Many women of her generation did not have this opportunity. A woman who grew up in a middle class family had very limited options. But she knew how to write. “Always write a good introduction and a good conclusion” – my mother repeated when I was writing an essay for school.
I have passed this sage advice on to my children as well as my graduate students at Northwestern University. Most of my students focus on the medium, whether it is an essay or a doctoral dissertation. I tell them to master the introduction and conclusion so that they stand out.
boring papers make professors nervous and are quickly forgotten. The introduction draws the reader in, so they want to read more. The bottom line is what they remember.
Game
Our kitchen table was facing the window. My father and I often went there for dinner. When we were moving, my mother looked out of the window and said: “Look at this bird!” We would stop, scan the yard long enough to relax and reset. My mother never heard of John Gottman or Julie Schwartz Gottman or their feud management technique, but he had mastered the technique of introduction humor or to be distracted by intense moments. Conflict was often avoided or at least downplayed. Distraction eases conflict. These words were not spoken, but lived.
Personal Perspectives Important Readings
Summary opinion
My mother taught by the example of what Martin Selgman introduced at APA in 2000. If my mother had attended, she probably would have approached him and said, “Thank you, Dr. Seligman, for telling the world that values such as positivity, responsibility, selflessness, love, creativity, playfulness, and peace are uplifting, hopeful, and empowering. anxiety.” The wisdom he gleaned from life experience is perfectly aligned with the guidelines he discovered during his research. learned helplessness. Is there anything new under the sun?
