Who hasn’t wondered at some point in their life what it’s all for?
What is the matter?
Why am I here?
What should I do?
Does anything really matter?
I have noticed that some people struggle with these questions more than others.
And I’ve also learned that there seems to be something about nurturing emotional neglect that makes people even more prone to this struggle.
“But what could it be?” You may be wondering, as I have been for years.
Today I want to share my best answers to all these questions. I do not claim to know the meaning of life. But I can definitely say something about what life means.
2 Something that makes life meaningful
Most psychologists, I think, would agree that two main factors make life feel meaningful, and both are supported by research:
- Your feelings: Your emotions motivate, motivate, direct, and inspire you. The most memorable moments in your life are the ones where you feel something. Surprised, sad, sad, shocked, happy or disappointed, these moments are embedded in your heart. memory. When you feel feelingswhether pleasant or unpleasant, you feel real. Feeling emotions is a way of being alive. Emotions tell you that what is happening is important. They carry with them the message “this is important”.
- Your relationships: Study after study has shown that it is your connections with others that both anchor and motivate you. Who’s there when things get rough? Who is there to celebrate with you and comfort you? To care for you and to be cared for by you? Such connections create the substance that makes life worthwhile.
These two important factors in life offer the keys to the struggle for purpose and meaning that many emotionally neglected people experience. When your feelings weren’t validated as a child (childhood (emotional neglect), you tend to withdraw, question, or evoke your emotions. This leads to 3 particular challenges when it comes to feeling like your life is meaningful as an adult.
- You are out of touch with your emotions: This disrupts your search for meaning in three important ways: First, it makes you feel as though you are not alive. Second, the emotions that should inform you about what is important to you are not enough. And finally, emotions are a source of passion and direction, so a lack of these messages from within can leave you feeling lost and alone.
- Your relationships are too one-sided: Emotional neglect makes you more concerned about others. You give more in your relationship than you can take. Your gifted nature warms and motivates you, but its one-sided nature can limit the depth of your relationships. And it just might not be enough.
- You feel that you are not important: The unspoken message you received as a child was, “Your feelings don’t matter.” But because your feelings are the deepest part of who you are, what your child heard was, “You don’t matter.” As an adult, this message disrupts your sense of purpose and meaning in life. After all, if you don’t matter, how does your life matter?
Correction
What is the best fix for all of this? Bring your emotions back into your life.
I’ve seen time and time again that three deceptively simple steps can make a huge difference in what your life means to you.
- Try to feel: It may sound strange, but it really works. Striving for emotion pays off. You will feel more.
- Tune in to your feelings: Chances are, you’ve always had feelings, but you’re not aware of them. Everything needs your attention attention more about what you feel. Stop several times a day, turn your attention inward, and ask yourself, “How do I feel right now?”
- Increase your emotional vocabulary: An important part of getting in touch with your feelings is putting words to them. You can find a complete list of emotion words online to help.
I know it’s hard to believe, but to me it’s quite clear: the fuel of life is feeling. If we are not filled as children, we must fill ourselves as adults. Otherwise, we will run empty.
A version of this post will also appear there emotionalneglect.com
© Jonice Webb, Ph.D.
