We often misunderstand what successful adulthood entails, and this can stop us from bringing our A game. Growing up well requires strengths that you already have, but refuse to use. These myths may be the reason.
1. We believe that adulthood is a monolithic skill when it is many
When we meet people, we often meet them at their professional level. If they’re a great immigration lawyer, book editor, or corporate pilot, if they seem incredibly “up to it” professionally, we think they must be good at the job. all other aspects of adulthood. However, this is not always the case.
We evaluate them based on the available information that exemplifies their particular skills.
Everyone’s maturity is like an uneven graph with peaks and valleys. We can make more use of our high skills and train our remaining skills.
Don’t be so ashamed of your lagging skills that you stop using your best or worst skills.
2. We believe that the perfect adult looks thin, when most of the time it looks messy
Much of life is about the hidden curriculum: the things you need to learn to succeed in a field that is not widely publicized. Imagine what you want about:
- Buying a car at auction that needs repairs but is probably a good deal.
- Different structures used in small private equity transactions.
- Side gigs rich people do it some older people in you career also work (for example, to serve on a corporate board).
When it comes to discovering the hidden curriculum needed to succeed in these kinds of fields, we think people learn it cleanly and freely, but that’s not the case. Asking questions in person or calling to talk to people we don’t know or don’t know well often makes us feel like an amateur when it comes to doing the exact same thing. most people refrain.
3. We think only extraverts excel when asking questions over the phone or in person
Most effective adulting is asking the questions you want to ask, but where you feel a little off or doing things that feel over the top in some way. For example:
- The deal is right under your nose. You mean it takes a few minutes to read and digest properly.
- The professional approach they offer is based on what they think you want, not their expert opinion. You feel like you’ve failed the test.
- Someone will tell you “don’t worry…we’ve taken care of it” but you really want some documentation. You take a walk-through video of the rental car before you leave the lot to document any pre-existing scratches not noted on the rental agreement, even though the agent tells you not to worry because they know about it.
We just think extroverts is preferred in social gatherings like this, but there are all kinds traits, abilities and skills which can help to treat them properly. For example, natural caution or conscienceor a combination of experience built up over decades of dealing with people in a business context.
4. We believe that other people trust us more than we do as adults
Often, the people we think are good as adults, we also trust as adults.
Let’s color the picture.
- Sasha meets with three doctors before deciding whether to operate on her leg.
- Todd gets three quotations for the heat pump. One company offers the best price, the other offers the best terms. He goes back to the company with the best price and asks them to match the terms of the other company.
- Jacqui interviews three therapists before choosing one.
All of our signs follow the general rule of thumb of getting three quotes for any major repair or project. They are clearly good at adults, at least in this case. However, we assume that since they are methods that many people avoid, it is easier or less uncomfortable for them than for us.
This can happen. This could be the kind of challenge Sasha, Todd and Jacqui love. Or, it may be as uncomfortable for them as we find it, but they do it anyway.
5. We think we already know everything we know about adults
My neighbor and I recently had a conversation about car insurance. While sharing what each of us paid and some other details, we both learned each other’s advice.
We all have more knowledge to share. We assume that if we know something, others must know it too. We keep tips, tricks and information gained through experience, not intentionally, but because there is no time to talk about it openly or for some reason.
In order to achieve mutual benefit, we have to take the risk of sharing something, even if the person may act like they already know or don’t see the value.
Adulthood means using your strengths, even when it feels uncomfortable
Not knowing you a complete set of strengthsincluding fragile, boring or stubborncan be a convenient excuse to avoid inconveniencing adults. When we recognize that we have strong abilities (whether they come naturally or through hard-earned experience), we feel responsible for using them to become more competent adults.
Don’t expect to be this competent version of yourself every minute of the day or every day of the week. There is no one.
But look for moments of being proactive (like reaching a stretch goal) and reactive (like dealing with an accident) to draw out those strengths and use them.
