What does healthy communication look like?
I do a deep dive to look at my own communication patterns, like talking too much to fill up space and interrupting others. . . which prompted me to write this article.
We all want to be heard, to communicate, to have a voice that matters. . . don’t we
We use communication every day. This is how we get on in the world. Communication is shaped by our language, our writing, our movements, our tone, and our “vibes.” All animals communicate in some form, but our languages set us apart. However, we often struggle with confusion and places where our words or meaning fall short.
Space Fill/Stop:
If you can think of a time when someone was talking non-stop and you found yourself sitting in a space where you felt there was no room for your words, be aware. If you’re the type of person who tends to slur your way through words, pause between thoughts, and then someone quickly jumps in to demand silence, you’re not alone.
On the other hand, if you’re the type to fill the silence or jump in with your story as a way to relate to someone else’s words, there’s no shame; this is for you too.
We can probably all admit to putting our foot in our mouth or using the wrong tone at one point or another. This is correct. We are not saints.
I will be the first to admit that I have been known for unhealthy communication styles. Interrupting people, getting angry, giving the silent treatment, or walking away when I can’t process my emotions. I was also someone who felt interrupted, unheard, and talked to.
I learned in my communication class that I talk more than I listen. The more I pigeonholed myself, the more I realized that I was interrupting people and filling the space to feel heard. It’s important for me to feel. Can you relate to this? It can be uncomfortable to realize that you don’t always have the other person’s presence or give them space to speak, but the deep meditation I discovered through this has made me more aware in my conversations. As I became more aware of the power of the present, I learned to be more patient and present in the moment and gave others the experience of “holding space.”
Double Sided Coin: Expression / Repression
When hurt feelings become so strong, it’s typical for people to become angry or shut down. One way this shows up is in a form of communication known as the “silent treatment.” Although the redundancy is due to lack of communication, it still sends the message. I cooked it and they gave it to me. Being angry at someone that you choose to just shut up and disconnect from is a defense mechanism to keep yourself victimized. If we can get away with blaming other people, then we don’t have to take responsibility for our own unprocessed anger.
Silence can suppress emotions, leading to increased anger, which is the other side of the coin. Using a rude tone or profanity is something that can easily slip off the tongue. . . but it can cause a breakdown in relationships. The reality is that unprocessed emotions that are constantly repressed or inappropriately expressed can cause physical ailments in the body. The good news is that we don’t always have to be stuck in our patterns.
We must admit our mistakes and take responsibility for the ways we miss the mark if we want to make conscious changes. Taking responsibility for our words, tone, and behavior is how we maintain a healthy communication style, which in turn relates to healthy relationships. Taking radical responsibility for your communication styles is the blueprint for change.
Deep dive:
I recently moved in with my partner where I had an unhealthy relationship and opened up raw wounds. With pain and anger in my throat, I walked towards the door. I felt like I didn’t have the skills to share what I was feeling at the time and had to walk away or I would explode. She gently encouraged me to get back on the couch and talk about it instead of running away. We agreed that day to stay in our heart space and talk about it when it’s hard. We decided to commit to reminding each other that we should always speak to each other with respect and compassion, holding ourselves and each other accountable for when we can do better.
Summary:
So the questions that arise are how do we treat these forms of communication?
What do we do when we realize that we are not present?
When our words are harder than we intended?
When do we not let others take the place?
When we behave badly?
so what
Well, we have come to the part of this article where we ask ourselves, what does love do?
And here is the simple answer:
Love was listening. Active. Carefully. From the heart.
Love loved itself. Love made us believe that our voice will be heard among the people. Love takes up space while allowing others to be present on the same stage.
Ishq sat with this pain and said: “I see you. I am your witness. I am here with you. I am not going anywhere, I love you.”
Love would pause before speaking to make sure our words and tone came out softly. It expresses itself with compassion without pressure.
It really comes down to the Golden Rule – treat others as you would want to be treated. If you don’t want someone else to ignore you, put you down, interrupt you, or talk about you, then plain and simple, don’t do it to them. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Practice nonviolent communication. Be firm in your boundaries.
Recognize that when someone disrespects your boundaries or hurts your feelings, responding from a place of powerful inner strength is justified. And when the time comes when you recognize that you’ve violated someone else’s boundaries or hurt their feelings, it’s important to humbly take responsibility for healing what was hurt.
Recognize the part you play in your experience. Take radical responsibility for the way you show up. We cannot control what others say, but we can control ourselves. Choose kindness and compassion and realize above all else that everything is either an act of love or a cry of love.
“Everything is either an act of love or a cry for love.”
So how do you choose to use your voice?
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Mary Faider social media manager for The world of healthwhere she creates compelling digital content, fosters meaningful relationships, and helps advance the organization’s mission through strategic social media engagement. In addition to her work in digital media, Maria is an energy healer dedicated to helping people restore their body, mind and spirit. She supports the removal of resistance and energy blockages and guides others to clarity, harmony and overall well-being. Maria is currently studying Integrative Health and Wellness Coach and is Reiki Levels I & II certified.
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