A large body of research shows that narcissists make better romantic partners. They are less has been committedmore likely to play manipulative gamesand blaming others when things go wrong. However, narcissists often are attractive and charming at first. This has led researchers to find that relationships with narcissists are initially exciting, only for the satisfaction to wane. Surprisingly, there have not been many studies examining the relationship trajectories of those who partner with narcissists. In a study I just published Journal of personalitytogether with William Chopik, we examined how narcissism might affect changes in relationship satisfaction over a six-year period.
In the study, we analyzed data from more than 5,000 couples who participated German Family Panel Study. The study provided up to six years of survey data from participants and their romantic partners. Participants completed questionnaires measuring narcissism. In addition, both partners rated their overall relationship satisfaction annually.
Research used The Concept of Narcissistic Admiration and Competition (NARC) to assess narcissism. NARC thinks so narcissist traits come in two forms. Narcissistic fascination involves being charming and trying to influence others. Narcissistic competition includes defamation of others. Both strategies are techniques that narcissists use to maintain their powerful and grandiose view of themselves. They can feel good about themselves (narcissistic admiration) or put others down (narcissistic competition). Instead, there are two dimensions that represent two different types of narcissists complementary inclinations that can exist together in one person. Some narcissistic individuals rely primarily on admiration (impression of others) strategies, while other narcissistic individuals rely on strategies. both strategies.
Not surprisingly, narcissistic competition is associated with a number of negatives long-term relationship outcomeswhereas narcissistic admiration is often benign or even associated with positive outcomes, especially in the short term. It is also important to note that this study assessed narcissistic traits on a continuum within a general sample of partnered adults. Therefore, these findings reflect different levels of narcissism rather than focusing exclusively on individuals with clinical personality disorder.
In to readwe found that those higher in narcissistic competition were less satisfied with their relationships, and neither were their partners. While relationship satisfaction declined for all over the six years of the study, we expected the decline to be more severe for those partnered with people with competitive narcissism. To our surprise, it was no the case However, we found that in very new relationships (existing for a year or less at the time the survey began), those who partnered with narcissists were not particularly satisfied.
These results suggest that narcissism is associated with more problems down the road, but the “road” may be longer than six years. It is possible that narcissistic competition develops a relationship too quickly (ie, those couples never reach the long-term phase necessary for this study) or too slowly, rather than a straight trajectory of diminishing satisfaction. We also found that men who partnered with competitive narcissistic women were less satisfied as long as they were in their relationship, but this effect did not occur for women who partnered with narcissistic men. Again, this suggests that narcissism is associated with decreased partner satisfaction over time, but it is not a simple linear trajectory.
Because the negative side of narcissism—narcissistic competition—comes along with attractively attractive tendencies, some people may find these relationships satisfying over the long term. Over time, narcissists can become gradual disturb their partners a sense of agency and self-esteem in ways that differ from person to person. Usually, the ugly side of narcissism comes out when it is the narcissist under threat and their giant bubble is in danger of bursting. Again, this may explain why there is not a uniform linear decline in satisfaction.
Whether it’s a relationship that ends too abruptly to follow up in a long-term study or a relationship that gradually fades away over the course of a decade, the data still show us that the allure of narcissistic admiration rarely compensates for the long-term damage of narcissistic competition.
