Complete this sentence. “If I had a little more, I would be happy….”
If you’re like most people, you probably say “Money” or something like “rock abs.” Most of us have a list in our head of things that need to change in our lives before we can be happy. We often assume happiness only beyond the future achievement awaits.
However, evidence shows that money only counts 2 percent of the difference in happiness between people. And diet actually can eventually harms happiness.
Maybe focusing on the numbers on the scale or in your bank account isn’t the way to be happy. If these efforts don’t move the needle as much as we’d hoped, then where does happiness really come from?
Science shows that if you want to be happy, the key may be to start focusing on yourself attention away from yourself and others.
Research shows us again and again that the most important component of happiness is a sense of social connection. For example, the longest study of human happiness (over three generations and 80 years), Longitudinal Harvard study, found that high-quality relationships are the most important factor in lifelong happiness. After decades of tracking careers, wealth, health and relationships, researchers have come to a simple conclusion. The quality of our relationships predicts happiness better than anything else studied.
Another study found that those who are socially oriented (a.k.a relevance) goals reported greater gains in happiness than those who worked on personal development goals. Instead of trying to change yourself, if you really want to be happier, you can try putting that effort into your relationship.
Beyond social connection, contributing to the lives of others is a powerful way to become happier. Many studies have shown altruism it benefits not only the recipient, but also the giver. Doing things for others dopamine (and in fact, trait altruism is related to specific Dopamine D4 receptors) and feels good. Helping others actually activates the brain’s reward system, and it shows. People who do the most good for others reporting higher life satisfaction, more positive effects and less negative effects.
In a 2019 study, participants were asked to either do something good for others (eg, donate to charity, give a compliment, etc.) or engage in some form of self-care (eg, eating a good meal, watching a movie, etc.). After 10 days, the changes in their happiness were tracked. While both groups experienced increases in well-being on the days they completed both tasks, participants who did good deeds for others reported feeling more socially connected and with a greater sense of purpose.
Self-care is important. As they say, you have to put on your oxygen mask first. But while taking care of your happiness, don’t forget about social connection and altruism as an important part of your self-care routine. Call an old friend to catch up and enjoy the fun to laugh with them. Or help a stranger with their meal. It’s okay if you’re just doing it for the free dopamine – no one needs to know.
