Belle Borden wants to say. His best memories, Aliens: Memoirs of a Marriagehas become the kind of book that people don’t just read—they highlight and annotate and immediately have to discuss it in a group chat. But as far as the internet goes, it’s about marriage, divorce, finances, and what’s up with Borden the now-viral sandwich scenethere are still some things that the author wants to clarify.
For the uninitiated, strangers grew up from Borden 2023 Modern love essay and recounts how her husband of 20 years suddenly walked out on her and their children in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. And how the woman once nicknamed "Good belly" He found his voice in the ruins. It went to number one In New York Times bestseller list and Netflix is already planning to adapt it, attached to Gwyneth Paltrow. This is such a book.
Below, Bourdain shares what everyone gets wrong about the sandwich, why so many women relate to her story, and how she’s learned to move forward without having all the answers.
Everyone who reads strangers seems to have a strong opinion on this. What do you think the women are arguing about?
I was trying to write my story. It’s so interesting to me that people see themselves (in it). It is not limited to my age group. I thought this would be a middle age book. But younger women are reading it and having these conversations, middle-aged, older. I think they discuss a number of things, but the main one is about relationships, trust and identity around home, motherhood, career and money. I think all these things are at the heart of it.
Whenever I’m in an argument, I usually think about what I should have said or done next. I know you’ve been getting a lot of questions about the sandwich. If you had to do it over again, what would you say?
The sandwich is misunderstood. I think people see it as a binary: If you’re a doormat, you make a sandwich. Not if you’re a feminist. But at that moment I was not thinking about my husband at all.
I was thinking about my two daughters. One ran down crying. One (was) sitting there looking at us. The children remember when they were told about the divorce, and I did not want to make this moment worse for him. Also, I wanted him to spend time with his child. And if I make a sandwich, he can do it, right? I think all these things were in play.
I wanted to put this in the book because it showed the general difference between our emotional states. If I were to face that moment again, I could find a way to say no that was gentle and non-confrontational, so that it wouldn’t make the moment worse for my daughter.
The last thing I said about the sandwich, I didn’t want him to make himself in his kitchen. It became a very protective space for us.
With In The New Yorker articleYour finances are open there. The media scrutinized these numbers heavily. What advice would you give other women on how to manage their money?
It is important to be transparent and open with your partner, from the beginning, before marriage. Talk about your finances regularly to see where everything stands, to see whose name is on what.
(It’s) not just about accounts. Talk about who’s career is preferred and how do you get it back? How do you fit in childcare? Really have these open conversations and have them at regular times… It’s not fun to talk about all these things, but if you’re used to it, it makes a difference.
I am not a financial advisor. I’m not a trust or estate lawyer, but this is what I tell my kids.
Gwyneth Paltrow is set to star in a film adaptation strangers Who else is part of your dream cast?
I was so focused on myself… on who was playing me. I haven’t thought about who will play my ex. My daughter – I won’t say which one – said she wanted Sidney Sweeney to play her. I have to remind her that she was 12 years old at the time.
Stories of man’s mess with women resonate. What other books in this category would you recommend?
Ill fame with such depth, truth and openness, but skillfully written by the masters. (Lena Dunham) the sentences are beautiful. That’s where you have to start.
At your end Modern love Essay, you said, “I have no secret about how to proceed without an answer.” After writing strangers and processing what happened, has that changed?
has I have some tips on how to move on without an answer. Friendship is very important. (Having) autonomy around your financial life is important, but (also) seeing it as an opportunity. When things fall apart, when you’re in this incredibly emotional place—it’s so painful—it’s really when you grow up.
It sounds a little weird, but it’s true. Sometimes when you’re in a very comfortable, safe, and predictable place, you don’t grow as much. Now, I feel lucky that this happened to me, because otherwise I would not have had this growth. So my advice would be: Do small things and be optimistic that you will get to a better place.
Some headlines claim "Wives Will Hate Their Husbands After Reading Your Book What do you really want to do?
I thought so It was an interesting article… I don’t want people to hate their husbands. I believe in marriage, and I know so many great men, so I don’t believe in this… The main thing for me, of course, is the reader who has experienced something like this and felt very alone and alienated. I want them to feel and understand.
I also want people to understand a little about what divorce is like, how it feels (it) and surviving it.
Alia M. Our Skimm+ community wants to know: How has your life been different since publishing, and how have readers responded?
The response was more than I expected. We had the first small print. I had a little book tour. So it’s an incredible feeling that people from all over the world have reached out to me in this incredibly positive, amazing way and seen themselves in the book.
Otherwise, my life hasn’t changed that much. I still have three children. I still have my law practice. Sometimes, I know it’s too funny for me. But otherwise, no big changes.
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This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
