This is not a diatribe about Social mediaor about how it lowers our tolerance for boredomor about how it makes us live our lives secondarily, one step removed, filtered through a photo or video of our breakfast on Instagram, for followers who don’t actually follow because they’re too busy with their photos and videos. Philosopher William Deresevich points out that while the modernism of our last century focused on it authenticityOur present day is busy with visibility. Maybe he is right.
But one of the casualties of this preoccupation is that for many of us, loneliness, being alone with ourselves, is uncomfortable. A 15-year-old recently told me that he hates even thinking about his thoughts. When I tried to find out why, it wasn’t about that injurybad memories, regret or resentment. It looked like her mind was “doing its thing”. She just didn’t like it. Instead of himself, his phone and its world are his best friends.
This seemed sad to me, because solitude, I believe, has some benefits; Two important things come to mind:
You have time and space to solve problems
Many of the couples sitting on the couch in my office are there because they are not solving problems in their daily lives. Sometimes it’s because they’re conflicted or lack the skills to work through them, but often it’s because they don’t take the time to think or discuss them. Therapy it becomes a time to talk about what they should discuss on their own.
Loneliness isn’t just a way to slow down your life; it also creates a precious space for thinking, where everything is easily swept away by routines, demands, and media. Thinking, a prerequisite for problem solving, actually thrives in solitude. It is when we are alone with our thoughts that all the creative things – brainstorming, imagining, incubating or figuring out what you really feel and what you really want – stops in the background of our lives and there is room for progress. Spending time with yourself can be just as effective as spending $200 an hour on a therapist’s couch.
You can get to know yourself better
This is where my 15 year old self comes in. The way to get comfortable with your inner life is to spend time there and get to know yourself better. We can’t avoid dealing with ourselves – that’s it self-esteem it’s all about, but we can stop this attitude by choosing to stop being ourselves, stop focusing on others, seeing us, or going on autopilot. Easier said than done, you say. But if that sounds like you, here are some ways to get started.
Set aside time
There is no magic bullet here. Just do it. Take time – even 15 or 20 minutes – to sit with yourself and let your mind “do its thing”. If there is a problem that needs attention, give it attention and direction. If you imagination Let it lead you to visions or wishes about the future. Just watch with curiosity. Unfortunately, what stops many people from doing this is that their mindless mind goes to scary places: hurt and panic, scolding and insultresentment, criticism and regret. But there is a chance for treatment; The key is to push back.
One technique is the reverse practice gratitude journaling, where you counter negative thoughts with positive ones that focus on appreciation and small graces, your talk from scolding to support: then you’ve done your best, you have unique gifts, and you’re here for a purpose. Basically, you’re writing about yourself and treating yourself like you always wanted to, but never got. It is powerful; it rewires your brain, boosts your self-esteem, and changes the way you look at yourself and your past. There are many resources on the Internet to help you put it into practice.
Take time to count periodically
These moments of solitude can clear away the day’s debris and help you focus, but periodically it’s best to step back and examine the bigger picture of your life. Take your emotional pulse – how you feel on an average day. Ask yourself what is generally lacking in life – time, space for passion, proximityor purpose. Zero in a year, two or five years goals or make plans and find their preferred route and move towards them.
Regardless of who or what you think about, the content is more important than the process itself. Take time to be alone, just be comfortable with yourself.
