If I were to describe someone who had a sudden change in mood—someone who is more aggressive, more emotionally reactive, more risk-averse, more withdrawn, and harder to communicate with—you might worry that something serious is going on.
But what I have described is also a normal part of human development: adolescence.
For many parents, the transition from childhood Adolescence can feel sudden and disorienting. One day, our baby seems open and eager to connect. Then, we wonder to ourselves: What happened?
As parents, we may feel confused, rejected, helpless, or sad. And yet adolescence – with all its intensity and unexpectedness – is a necessary and meaningful stage of development.
Rather than seeing adolescence as just a management challenge, it can help to see it as a developmental cocoon: messy, active, confusing, and full of change. My friend and colleague, Dr. Asaf Ashri of the University of Georgia Developmental Science Center, describes attunement—the ability to accurately sense, understand, and respond to an adolescent’s emotional state—as one of the most important protective factors in adolescent development and mental health. When we overreact, overcontrol, or move too quickly to judgement, we can inadvertently create distance and brokenness.
It is not our job to control every part of adolescence. Our role is to help our teenagers come out of it with greater emotional resilience, mental flexibility and a stronger sense of self. In other words, we want to help them transition from adolescence to B – balance.
Here are five “B’s” that can help.
1. Be an indicator
Teenagers learn more from what we do than what we say.
They see how we behave stressdisappointment angerdisagreements and mistakes. They notice if we ask for forgivenessare we listening and are we willing to grow.
Being a model doesn’t mean being perfect. No parent is perfect. Importantly, modeling is accountability, reflection, repair and growth.
A parent struggling with depression might say, “I know I raise my voice sometimes, and I try to manage my emotions in a different way.”
This kind of honesty teaches something valuable: self-awareness and responsibility.
Being a role model means modeling the qualities we hope our teens will develop—humility, emotional awareness, stabilityand desire to continue to grow.
2. Be cornerstones
Of course, adolescence is a period of trials, heightened emotions, and growing independence. Teens are attracted to novelty, peers, excitement, and exploration. At the same time, their developing brains are still learning how to regulate impulses and evaluate consequences.
This is why teenagers still need their parents to be the foundation.
Being a rock means providing structure, stability, and security while also respecting your teenager’s growing need for independence. This means that limitations exist not because we want to control them, but because we want to guide and protect them.
This candid conversation about difficult topics like Social mediasubstances, driving, relationships and personal safety. Silence does not protect teenagers. Makes communication calm and clear.
It also means supporting causes that are deeply connected to them emotional regulation and mental health: sleep, foodmovement, routine and responsibility.
Teens may resist structure, but they still need it. They can resist our restrictions, but they also need to know that someone is there.
3. Think with them
Adolescents need opportunities to think, reason, solve problems and learn from experience. Parents can support this development by moving away from lectures and towards it cooperation.
When parents respond with them shameblame, or criticism, teenagers often shut down. But when parents respond with curiosity and calmness, teens are more likely to think openly.
Essential teenage reading
Imagine a teenager goes to a party, drinks too much, and feels sick. A parent’s instinct might be, “What were you thinking?”
A more effective conversation might sound like this:
“How do you feel about what happened?”
“What do you think led to this decision?”
“What do you want to do next time?”
“How can we help you stay safe in the future?”
These conversations help teens make judgments and connect choices with consequences while maintaining trust and communication.
Brainstorming with teens means helping them become thinkers, not just rule-followers.
4. Build a bond
One of the most powerful protective factors in an adolescent’s life is a secure relationship with at least one caring adult.
But connect bonding with a teenager is often different than bonding with a young child. The teen may seem distant, distracted, or disinterested. However, they need connection – more often than they admit.
The goal is to create a relationship where teens feel comfortable enough to talk, especially when things are difficult.
If a teenager says, “I failed an exam,” many parents immediately move to correct them: “You should have studied more.”
A more relatable response might be, “I’m sorry. How do you feel about that?”
Connection does not mean shirking responsibility. This means creating enough emotional safety that accountability can be truly heard.
Bonding also happens through small moments: watching a show, driving together without stress, to laugh in something silly, sending a supportive text, or simply saying, “I really enjoy spending time with you.”
These moments remind teenagers that they are not the only problem to be solved. They are people we really appreciate and love.
5. Believe in them
Adolescence is often filled with self-doubt. Teens may feel confident while privately wondering if they are capable, lovable, or good enough.
Therefore, parents’ beliefs are very deep.
When parents consistently communicate, “I believe in you,” it becomes an anchor. Teenagers often borrow our beliefs until they build their own.
It is important that our belief in our teenagers should not depend only on grades, achievements and work. It should be based on who they are, not just what they produce.
We can say:
“I trust your ability to figure this out.”
“I know it’s hard and I know you can get through it.”
“I see your kindness.”
“I appreciate your effort.”
“I love the person you are becoming.”
Many of us learn to believe in ourselves because someone first believed in us. For teenagers, this belief can be life-giving.
From adolescence to adulthood
Adolescence can be difficult for anyone. Teenagers change quickly and parents have to change along with them. Strategies that worked in childhood may no longer work in the teenage years.
But adolescence is not only a period of survival. This is the period of emergence.
When we strive to be a beacon, a foundation, a brainstorming partner, a source of connection, and a voice of conviction, we help our teens move toward greater balance and stability.
We cannot walk for them. But we can walk alongside them—steady, loving, curious, and present—as they become who they are meant to be.
