This past Mother’s Day was especially hard for me. This year marks 10 years since my mother died of a rare cancer in Bangalore, India.
Social media He was filled with respect for the wonderful mothers of the world. My mother Lakshmi was also amazing.
And he was also… difficult.
Reflecting on my mother teaches me lasting lessons about the influence of “difficult people” in our lives and careers. Calling someone “difficult” may sound insulting, but it’s actually a complex interpersonal dynamic that’s not as simple as we’d like it to be, but rather an active reflection of reality.
Mother gave me and my brother strength. stabilitydrive and above all moral fiber. He was also kind and generous, especially to those less fortunate than us. She was a feminist in her own right borders for himself in the deeply traditional culture of the Iyengar community of South India. He is a big supporter of this education He used to pay the expenses of the Indian working women for the schooling of the children of servants and calculated their grades.
And my mother was also a difficult person. Stubborn, negative, pessimistic and prone to attacks anger and despair. “No” was her default. But we knew how much he loved us.
Over time, my father, my brother and I realized that my mother could never really be happy, she just managed it. Having been married to her for 60 years, my father became a master of Stoicism. I could never understand why she was like that.
Until one day, I was waiting for a prescription at my local drug store, browsing through a revolving metal book stand full of paperbacks. I saw a book that I think was called How to deal with difficult people. My heart was moved. Wait, there was a category of people who had mental traits that made them “problem people”? I immediately thought of mom and everything fell into place.
I flipped through the book. The message was clear. Being a “difficult person” a personality a trait that makes it virtually impossible to please some people. It can also be formed due to his lack of self-determination and clear expression. manifestation as anxiety, depressionor solitude. Looking back, I suspect this may have been part of my mother’s story, especially after her children moved to the United States.
Difficult people can create real stress on those around them, be it family members, friends, colleagues, employees or bosses.
Managing difficult managers and employees
In me careerI’ve had my share of bosses who were absolutely wonderful, and only a couple who, looking back, really fell into the “difficult people” category. Negative, emotional, overly demanding, impossible to please.
Realizing that this is a personality trait has made relationships much easier for me. When I’m in a relationship or situation that’s unmanageable, I ask myself, “Am I dealing with a difficult person?”
It also sensitized me to the possibility of becoming a mother in my own relationship, so I often stop and try to readjust to see if I’m trending in that direction. I also thought about relationships and how being “difficult” contributed.
The implications of this psychological trait for employers and employees are huge. Employers must deal with persistently negative people who spread toxicity in the workplace because they can never be truly happy. And their performance is often poor. In many cases, they need to be addressed quickly before they affect the workplace culture.
On the other hand, if you are an employee with a difficult boss and you believe that your performance was great, first realize that you cannot. They may just be a “difficult person”. So what do you do? Know that no matter how hard you work or how good you are at your job, they will never be happy. They can only be controlled and only up to a point. The only option is to let your anger take root over time or leave and find a better manager. And there are many great leaders in the world.
In me your trainerI often ask clients to think about difficult people in their lives or work. Are they tired of trying to please someone who can never really be pleased?
What are some steps you can take today to ease your situation with difficult people?
On Mother’s Day, I sent my mom a lot of love for the lessons she taught me about meeting people where they are.
