As Mother’s Day approaches, the weight of having a parent with a serious mental illness (SMI) often becomes more important to many individuals. Serious mental illness includes illnesses that can be particularly debilitating, such as schizophrenia spectrum disorders, bipolar disorderresistant to treatment depressionsubstance use disorders and borderline personality disorder (BPD), to name a few common examples. Many of these disorders are highly treatable; however, if loved ones go untreated, the consequences can be devastating. When this is the case, the holidays can be especially painful, whether you’re keeping in touch with a loved one or keeping a distance to protect your mental health. Know that you are not alone in this experience as I have supported many patients in a similar situation, be it with brotherchild or parent.
Chronic and acute period stress Support for a loved one with SMI can be paid. It presents a unique look burn is that it requires a hyperlink until the next shoe drops; it’s scary when those shoes fall into very dark places. The reality is that your loved ones who are struggling with SMI are more likely to experience many problems such as substance use disorders, homelessness, and serious health problems.
Unfortunately, navigating these relationships can also lead to isolation, as it often requires grieving loved ones who are still physical, but not always spiritual. Physical pain is easier to explain to others, but the costs of serious mental illness often surprise those who have not had to deal with it personally. Friends can help by getting into problem-solving mode, but many of you just want to feel seen and heard because these problems rarely get solved.
So how do you take care of yourself, given the myriad stresses that come with supporting a loved one with SMI? Here are some specific suggestions.
- Make room for the pain, whatever it is anxietysadness, sadness etc. Trying to control or judge your emotions often backfires and can even make them worse.
- Listen to your body. This may mean using grounding techniques to calm your body with sensory strategies (such as engaging positive sights, sounds, and smells) because your body registers stress even when your brain doesn’t immediately.
- Have compassion for yourself and others. Compassion is often the antidote to pain. I highly recommend Christine Neff’s book, Self-compassion: The proven power of self-kindness.
- Setting borders with your loved ones and other people in your life. It can be an intuitive process to determine when you need to step away from others. It is important to remember that boundaries are not set in stone. They can be fluid and change as the dynamics in the relationship evolve.
- Identify people in your network who are consistent, reliable and sympathy for when you need support.
- Find a therapist who understands this unique life experience. Hopefully, they can provide other specific strategies and tools for dealing with chronic stress while validating your feelings.
