Honestly, by the time we hit 40, most of us haven’t put ourselves first in decades. Not really. And it didn’t happen in one big moment either. It didn’t happen overnight. These are habits that form over the years until we remember life before we put it all first.
Because it’s about the weight we carry. It doesn’t all come at once. Makes
There are societal expectations that have been programmed in since you were old enough to understand what was expected of you. Then there are the generational beliefs that no one even realizes are embedded in family patterns and old wounds and trauma that no one talks about, let alone deals with. And then there are the roles you play. Those related to your relationships, your work, your family. Versions of you that exist purely to serve everyone else.
Is it any wonder we’ve gotten to the point where we don’t even know where to begin? Or do we not even have the opportunity to think about ourselves the last time in 1992?
I was no more. I was playing a role, doing what I was expected to do, and a lot of the time I really thought it was what I wanted. This is the secret part. When you do this long enough, you lose the ability to tell the difference between what you really want and what you’ve been conditioned to want. You play the role so well that you forget that there is a whole person underneath.
And I want to be clear about something. I love to serve and work for people in my life. It’s not about that. But there comes a time when you have to stop and think, what about me? And as uncomfortable as this question is, it is worth asking.
We are taught that putting ourselves first is taking something away from the people we love. But this is what took me so long to figure out. This is not selfishness. It’s necessary.
After decades of pushing, being under the pump, transferring pressure to the eyes, the body begins to keep score. And it usually does not happen significantly. It starts small.
And what do most of us do with these signals? We ignore them. We literally push them aside and push through. Tell yourself we’re just busy, just tired, and just going through a phase.
But these little signs are important. He wakes up and is still sad. Moods are like a rollercoaster. Brain fog that makes you feel like you’re wading through mud. These are not just a part of aging and they are certainly not something to be pushed through. They send your body very clear signals that something is off.
The good news is that you don’t have to blow up your entire life to change things. It’s not about grand gestures or sweeping reforms. It’s about a mindset shift. A decision that you, the real you, becomes a part of every choice and every action you take in the future.
Not just considered. Not at the expense of anyone else. Just included. now Calculated.
This shift seems simple, and I won’t pretend it’s always easy. There are real layers to unlock. Beliefs that have been quietly running in the background for decades, telling you that your needs are less important, that asking for more is greedy, that good women put others first. These beliefs don’t just disappear overnight.
But they change. With the right support and a genuine willingness to see what makes a show, things will change. And when they do, the freedom of the other side is another matter. You start making decisions from a completely different place. You stop agreeing because of sin. You stop shrinking. You feel better, maybe more than you have in a very long time.
Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond have not passed their prime. Not even close. But by the time we get here, most of us are so exhausted that we don’t have the energy or clarity to start. We know something needs to change, but we’re working from scratch.
Which is why putting yourself first isn’t what you get when it’s all done. It should come first. Not because you’re abandoning your responsibilities, but because you really can’t pour from an empty cup.
You are allowed to have meaning in your life. You are allowed to take up space, ask for what you need, and invest in yourself without having to justify it to anyone.
When is it time to start?
Right now.
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Using her extensive PSYCH-K® knowledge and training, Kim has become an expert in changing the perception of stress and replacing any limiting or negative subconscious beliefs. This is the key to living a happy and fulfilling life because we can work on strengthening our foundational beliefs that focus on self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance.
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