A friend recently told me that it would be interesting to read an article about the ego. I’ve been trying to write this blog for over a month, but resisted the topic because my ego didn’t want to show up in this context. I decided to put these words out there to bring this topic to the surface and to understand what it means to be a developing human being.
I promised you transparency and made a pact not to sit behind a screen, so I’m going to show you the part of me that I want to hide but choose to admit. When preaching love in a wicked world, it’s important to practice what you preach. When you are deprived of kindness, it is important to recognize the flaws and choose a new story.
So, uneasily and a little shy, I tell this story of the waltz with my ego:
I just got off the phone with one of my loved ones.
“Maria, you need to work on regulating your emotions and not get so worked up about things that are out of your control.”
I could hear it. I’ve heard this before. I stubbornly put my feet up during the phone call.
If someone else calls me out on it, maybe I really need to learn better emotional regulation.
I got into my car and drove my usual route to visit my partner.
Five minutes from his house, I stopped at a red light. The light turned green and my 18-year-old, sweet and loving Georgia sped up fast enough to restart her car. The soup car behind me chose not to wait at that moment and at that moment passed from behind to in front of me. I said a few words to let the driver know that I was not happy with his choice. As he moved into the next lane, I got my proper acceleration and passed him. He moved his car to the far side of his lane, grazed the middle, and informed me that I had no right of way.
More frustration spilled out of my mouth (which is something I’m embarrassed to admit I carelessly did) and the driver gave me a cute smile and a wave from his car before driving off.
I could feel anger rising up from deep within me as I felt an overwhelming amount of powerlessness. When I got to my appointment, I let the tears flow.
Why on earth am I crying right now? This is very stupid. Why am I so sad? How could I let someone’s behavior affect me so much?
An unsteady sob broke out as I felt the victim of abuse.
Here is the story.
I felt humiliated!
I sat with this feeling for a moment as I have faced all the times in my life where I felt helpless and humiliated. I realized that I was continuing to create a loop in the field of recruiting scenarios to feel helpless and humiliated because there was a part of me that never cleared that pain from my subconscious. I admit it when we don’t do the work, it follows us everywhere we go. In past experiences, I learned to use hurtful words as a defense mechanism for feeling attacked, and I continued to create experiences that supported the belief that I was a powerless victim.
The tortured ego wanted to justify itself, but I had to admit that I was an equal abuser in this situation.
When the tears stopped, I parked my car and went inside the house. I told my partner about the situation I had just found myself in. He reminded me that every creation is an opportunity to learn a lesson and evolve.
“Maybe it’s a blessing to have radical forgiveness for the way you behave and the way you behave with someone else,” he told me.
Although it may be hard to admit at times, I believe that we are in tune with everything in our realities, whether we consciously or unconsciously co-create them. So, in a situation where I felt insulted, I also radiated the frequency of being insulting, such as my unique language. I felt justified in my behavior. I thought that this unfamiliar act was enough for me to be selfish and abuse him.
He is the real problem. It’s her fault. They treat me unfairly the traumatized part of myself was repeating itself.
Even though I missed the negativity like her, my ego wanted to keep me in victim mode.
When we are in victim mode, we don’t have to take responsibility for our realities, do we?
So… if I can recognize this pattern in my life of feeling like I’m being trampled on and then fighting back against unkind words and “standing up for myself”, I can also clear it and write a new story. The point is that we have to admit our faults. I’ll say it again: I have to take responsibility for my creation.
By feeling helpless, I create scenarios to show me more ways to feel helpless. By feeling that I feel powerful, that is to “respond” with my words, I create more scenarios in which I feel pseudo-powerful.
We can all admit that pseudo-power is an illusion, eh?
My sweet partner reminded me, “True power remains still. Real power remains in oneness with the space of your heart. Real power is not disturbed by the noise of the world.”
What did love do? How does love respond?
First of all, not treating the driver badly on the road in the first place would be the ideal scenario of respect. However, when the damage is done and we are left to pick up the pieces, how does love respond?
I believe it is important to get out of the victim’s seat and acknowledge the trapped ego story. Giving presence, space and breath to the story allows it to be felt and heard and then transformed. By not acknowledging the hurt and continuing to justify it and make excuses for your bad behavior, you are allowing the story to continue.
By recognizing the ego as a part of you that tries to keep you safe, you can remove the negativity from it.
By choosing to love yourself EVEN when you mess up, EVEN when you yell at the driver on the road, you allow yourself to be uplifted by choosing to behave better. By taking responsibility for something like poor emotional regulation, you can accept it as a part of yourself that needs to be loved. By loving the part of you that doesn’t want to be loved, you can give yourself permission to heal whatever needs to be healed and choose a new way of being.
When you choose to unconditionally love the driver on the road who behaves just as badly, you send waves of peace into the world.
It is easy to be negative towards those who disappoint us, but it must be turned into a narrative to wish them love and consciousness to create a healing world. When we wish love and consciousness to others, we in turn receive love and consciousness for ourselves because what goes around comes around.
We can make the world a better place by choosing our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
What will you do to rewrite your limiting stories today?
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Mary Faider social media manager for The world of healthwhere she creates compelling digital content, fosters meaningful relationships, and helps advance the organization’s mission through strategic social media engagement. In addition to her work in digital media, Maria is an energy healer dedicated to helping people restore their body, mind and spirit. She supports the removal of resistance and energy blockages and guides others to clarity, harmony and overall well-being. Maria is currently studying Integrative Health and Wellness Coach and is Reiki Levels I & II certified.
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