This Mother’s Day, many of us will be honoring the mothers in our lives. For some, this may include acknowledging the non-parents in our village who helped raise us.
Recently, I reminded how the construction of the settlement should be in practice. My partner and his ex-wife share custody of their 14-year-old daughter (I’ll call her D). Recently, his ex-wife bought tickets to a mother-daughter luncheon club scheduled for the week before Mother’s Day. When a work conflict inevitably arose, he offered me a ticket so I could take D instead.
As someone who has spent more than two decades working with youth and studying positive youth development, I quickly learned that this was not just a casual calling. I took it as an act of confidence.
Signing in is important. To be invited into a space normally reserved for parents and to a child whom you have not raised but care deeply about is being trusted to say, “I trust you and see you as part of the child’s support system.”
At a time when young people are experiencing an alarming level solitudethese moments remind us of specific actions we as adults can take in their lives. In essence, the youth mental health crisis is a communication crisis. One in six people suffer from loneliness, with the highest level among teenagers. As early as 2023, the US Surgeon General had announced loneliness a public health epidemic. And, recently, more than a third of young people report that loneliness bothers them everyday life in the USA.
Decades of research shows that young people – even those negative childhood experiences— do better when they have trusted adults in their lives. And we’re not just referring to parents here: Children need it adult network – teachers, tutors, trainers and senior family members, such as aunts or uncles. They need people who appear in context, consistently and over time. Research shows that adolescents who are not supported by multiple adults have better mental health than their parents. self-esteemand perform better scientifically.
Parents he was always demanding. What has changed are the networks that once supported parents/families. Raising children was never meant to be lonely. It relied on a community of relationships, from neighbors to relatives to teachers and community members, each contributing in different ways.
In modern family structures, including blended families, these networks can be more complex. Joint education is between families it’s not easy. It requires adults to navigate complex histories, potentially unresolved emotions, and other competing priorities while maintaining a shared focus on children. However, the research is clear cooperative education of parentsdefined as how adults work together and interact respectfully with each other, helping the child maintain stability and develop social behavior. How adults work together can matter just as much, and sometimes more, than what any individual adult does. When adults fit into a child’s life, they all send a powerful message to the child: You are loved and supported by many.
Creating this kind of harmony requires a willingness to push beyond comfort. This means choosing deliberately cooperation and openness to let others into your child’s life. These choices are expressed through small, continuous steps toward that goal. In this case, this was the act of inviting me to attend this evening club. This gesture sent D something powerful. She is said to have a network of supportive adults in her life. It exemplified cooperation, consideration and trust.
To be sure, this call was not about changing parents or reducing the primary bond. Parental relationships remain central and irreplaceable. What this approach offered was an extension of support, a recognition that additional trusted adults strengthen the child’s well-being.
Not all families have the circumstances to make these choices easy. Structural problems, unresolved conflicts, and competing demands can make cooperation difficult. These realities should not be minimized. But when there are opportunities to connect, they are important.
As it turned out, the party itself was canceled by the host. D’s mom sent me a message apologizing for the change, followed by a cute invitation: “Maybe we can attend an event together next summer?”
This message was another subtle step in building the village we are talking about. It is through invitations, gestures, and intentional coordination between adults that we signal to the youth in our lives that support extends not just to one relationship, but to the entire network. It’s a safety net of trusted adults who step forward, sometimes imperfectly, to share responsibility and build that village together.
