Domestic violence destroys the safety and shelter of the home, making it a place of fear for any child who witnesses it.
Children who see and hear violence experience it with their whole being – their emotions, their feelings, their thoughts and their bodies. Seeing violence up close between people you love and depend on has long-term effects on your emotional and brain development. attachment and future relationships.
Domestic violence or intimate partner violence (IPV) is a social problem in the United States. Researchers report that up to 25% of children experience IPV childhoodand many experience it for the first time as an infant or toddler (Jones Harden, Martuccio, & Berlin, et al., 2021). Children under the age of six are at greater risk of developing this disease than older children (Carpenter & Stacks, 2009).
Solomon, a formerly incarcerated man I interviewed for my book, Before their crimes: What we don’t understand about childhood trauma, youth Crimeand healing told me that his first memories were of his parents fighting. “It was terrible. I was three or four years old. They were yelling, throwing things…Once, when I was a little older, it got so bad that I called the police…and my father was arrested. My mother’s physical abuse stopped, but the mental and verbal abuse never did.”
Our ability to regulate and manage emotions stress from finding repeated comfort and safety in a relationship with a parent or caretaker. In cases of domestic violence, the adults either perpetrate or receive the violence, leaving the children essentially alone and sometimes repeatedly under intense pressure. Solomon’s experience disrupted his stress response system, and the emotional loneliness he felt created a deep desire for care and understanding. This passion led him to other children who escaped their painful experiences and found relief and expression by engaging in criminal activities.
Children exposed to domestic violence may experience severe physical and psychological effects; they are at increased risk for major mental health problems, including PTSD, anxiety, depression, addictionand lower academic performance (Doroudchi and Zarenejod, et al., 2023). The root cause of these problems is often the impact of IPV on the development of the stress response system. emotional regulationand the brain itself. Elevated cortisol levels can also affect cognitive development and memory.
Some infants and toddlers develop symptoms or show problems right away if they have changes in sleep or feeding, night terrors, bedwetting, or other behavior problems. But for others, the anxiety goes underground, and the children appear outside, managing the tasks of childhood.
Misty, another interviewee of mine, gives an example. She lived with her single mother and watched as she was beaten by two successive partners. He told me about one of them, “He beat my mother constantly, blackened her eyes, once he held a gun to her face and said: ‘If you don’t stop crying, I’ll beat your head.’ I was standing there.”
At the age of seven, she was with her cousins when her aunt’s boyfriend killed her during an argument. None of the adults in her childhood ever talked to Misty about what she saw and how she managed.
Despite these harrowing experiences, Misty remained a good student, active in sports and school clubs. He started college. It was only when she started romantic relationships with men, her difficulties and confusion appeared in her life choices. The men who recruited her were gang members (as was her stepfather) who engaged in crime and were sometimes cruel to her. He engaged in embezzlement and theft, thinking it would strengthen a relationship. At the time, his victims weren’t really real to him, just as his childhood vulnerability was ignored by the abusive adults in his childhood home.
Not every child who experiences domestic violence develops mental health or behavioral problems. And even among those who do, research on recovery from the negative effects of domestic violence suggests that the outcomes of the problem may not be permanent (Carpenter & Stacks, 2009).
Traumatic Events that occur early in life may be remembered consciously and articulately, but the body remembers. Young children who witness domestic violence cannot avoid being deeply affected, but with the guidance and support of other caring adults in their lives and professionals, they can recover and heal from these events.
Essential reading of domestic violence
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