Perfectionists often focus on them goals and achievements in relation to their well-being. Sometimes, we’re so busy trying to please people, avoid criticism, and prove that we’re “good enough” that we don’t even realize what it’s doing to our mental and physical health.
Are you a perfectionist?
Perfectionists have extremely high standards for themselves and sometimes for others. We expect ourselves to excel at everything, achieve our goals effortlessly, and always be satisfied. We get our own self-esteem of our achievements, which means we are constantly adjusting and improving, seeking validation, and trying to prove our worth. This is a stress way of life
How to be perfect in the way of self-care
Self-care can reduce the effects of stress and prevent idealism from harming our physical and mental health. But as idealists, we often feel guilty about doing things for ourselves, especially anything that isn’t directly related to achieving a goal, meeting expectations, or getting more done.
Self-care does not match our perfect image. We imagine perfect people as selfless, low maintenance, needing nothing, able to run on steam and still get the job done. Because our expectations are unrealistic, we ignore our need for rest. bordersconnection and fun – and then feel guilty for having those needs in the first place.
But the reality is that we all need self-care. We need to physically, emotionally and spirituality should be healthy and have a meaningful life.
Another problem that perfectionists face is our tendency to turn hobbies and games into competitions. Instead of having fun playing a casual weekend soccer game, we’re focused on winning or managing neighborhoods. When we enter a drawing class, we want our work to look like a model. This type idealist striving can drain the joy out of activities that help us relax and connect.
What is selfishness?
Self-care is the practice of consistently meeting our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. It does a healthy, restorative job of helping us get back into balance.
Selfishness is often confused with fun or entertainment. In fact, it is not always interesting. Visiting the dentist is a form of self-care because it protects your health, even if it’s not fun. And not all interesting activities are for self-care. Eating a bag of potato chips may be comforting after a tiring day, but it won’t really restore your physical or emotional energy.
This does not mean that we always have to make healthy choices. Most of us have mindlessly eaten chips while watching Netflix. That’s fine, sometimes – we just have to realize that it’s not the same as quality care.
Self-care meets the requirements
Perfection convinces us that we shouldn’t need anything—we should be able to work tirelessly, give without taking, and earn without trying. But this is not real. Everyone needs. And if we don’t tend to them, we can’t function optimally.
Many of us are used to being able to push at any cost. We sacrifice rest to complete a project or ignore our limitations so we don’t disappoint someone. But this is not sustainable. Satisfying our needs through selfishness is not selfish; for our health and happiness. Hypocrisy shows what happens when we constantly put others before ourselves.
Riya’s story
Riya is someone who always helps you. If you are sick, she will bring food. If your car breaks down, he will give you a ride. If you are late at work, he will stay late and come to work. She puts everyone’s needs before her own.
At a recent physical exam, her doctor expressed concern about her high blood pressure and lack of sleep, and encouraged her to take better care of herself. But the hypocrite does not see this point. She feels guilty about taking a break from work or going to the gym. He tells himself that he can work on five hours of sleep. It’s selfish to go out with friends after work instead of going straight home.
Essential Readings for Perfection
Like all of us, Riya needs exercise, rest, nutrition and connection. These are not luxuries; they are normal human needs.
Selfishness is an intentional action taken to satisfy a specific need. Because it’s based on need, it’s not a reward we have to earn, and it’s not selfish. Resting when you’re tired is no different than eating when you’re hungry, even if we’ve learned to reward ourselves for it.
Changing misconceptions about self-care
Many of our obstacles to self-care come from a rigid, all-or-nothing mindset. We label things as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” and then we feel guilty because we put selfishness in the category of “selfish” or “lazy.”
Which of these misconceptions about self-care do you recognize?
Selfishness is:
- Waste of time
- Lazy
- Selfish
- Weak
- Something to be achieved
When you understand how these beliefs contribute to burnout or resentment, you can challenge them and create more balanced thoughts.
Instead of “Selfishness is selfishness,” you might try “Selfishness is meeting a need and everyone has needs” or “Taking care of yourself is healthy.” With practice, these reframes will feel more natural and automatic.
Conclusion
Perfectionism makes it difficult to balance work and rest, self-care and care for others, relaxation and goal-oriented effort. But we can learn to let go of our unrealistic expectations and avoid caring blame. Taking care of ourselves doesn’t make us inadequate—it helps us be healthy, grounded, and fully present in our lives.
© Sharon Martin. Excerpt, in part, from the author’s book, CBT Workbook for Perfectionism.
