I hyperventilate a little as I leave the shoe store in my new black leather loafers. I stare at my feet in disbelief as they touch the sidewalk and slowly accept that there is no turning back, no return of the new shoes because they are officially worn, plus I deliberately chose not to wear socks, which makes these shoes mine now and forever.
I smile – a big girl, smiling and young, although I am 45 years old – for today, finally, I resist they leaving my stubborn joy.
From inside, I hear the mandate of my mother and grandmother: Never wear new shoes from the store. Store them in a box with tissue paper and stuffing paper inside. Save them for a specific situation.
I answer out loud to their ancient commands that echo in my mind: No, I don’t want to.
As a child, I learned that special occasions like this were often only after I had outgrown my special new shoes that I never got to wear. Then, almost in a ritualistic act, my mother gives them tissue paper and everything, even the box, still crisp and unmarked.
I hear Mother’s voice as if she saw my black patents: What are you doing? Now, you don’t have anything special when the time comes.
Immediately, my thoughts flashed to similar habits of Nana Bia waiting to wear new purchases. Such outdated and unrealistic guidelines add to my decision not to thrift for clothes or shoes, but to enjoy them instead. now.
One neutral memory after the death of my grandmother, my father and I entered her apartment (my mother was left in bed) to collect her clothes and other things. When we opened her closets, my eyes widened in surprise; I held my breath in disbelief. Never appreciated new purses, wallets, scarves and gloves, all wrapped in the original tissue paper the accessories were purchased from.
Images and flashes like these are forever etched in my memories and kept with awareness for my own decisions to save or enjoy immediately. But my challenges are overcoming the generational obligation to hold onto assets that only have one family member’s expiration date.
I came back from college on semester break and my mom asked me to get a shirt in her closet. I brought her a colorful floral dress; he shouted: “No, Barbara, it’s me May God protect you.”
I was surprised. “But it’s so pretty, mom, why don’t you wear it now?”
Again she replied in surprise, “I only wear it if I go to the hospital, give it back.”
As ordered, I changed elegantly May God protect you for him a worn everyday housecoat, grey, smoky, long zippered and frayed.
Do other grandmothers and mothers have dress codes and restrictions only for health emergencies or holidays?
Like my grandmother’s dresser drawers, my mother had a collection of unused leather purses, chains, lipstick holders, tapestries of Kleenex bags, many of them purchased in San Francisco’s Chinatown. talented to her from me. And there are too many shiny worn items to count.
I ask my mom, “Can I have one of those metallic painted lip holders?” “Sure, take the orange; I won’t use it.”
Her jewelry was well packed in her second closet: gold and diamonds of all shapes and sizes: rings, bracelets, earrings, necklaces, to sleep a quilted bag in their jewelry. As my mother ages, her stash of heirloom treasures grows exponentially. He inherited such pieces from his mother and then from his aunts. I love trying on her diamonds, especially my mother’s 3-cut ring, which is my grandmother’s wedding ring from 1916. My mother’s hand touches mine as she reminds me that the fancy ring is not mine, “Take it now.” But, surprisingly, in her will, she bequeaths to me her jewels, the same jewels that she does not want me to enjoy during my regular visits.
But there are pieces that she never enjoyed except for special events like weddings and Bar Mitzvahs, and then she would make my dad write down the dates of those events on a special piece of paper. I have the diamonds and my father’s list with his last entry in 1993. He has worn the most important piece 17 times in 30 years.
my new philosophy for the rest of my years it would reflect the final collapse of our useless family tradition saving-for-special-situations. Newly purchased shoes are worn immediately outside the store; I’ll throw a box too. I donate what does not serve my soul, no matter how long or short I have had it. I order something in the mail, and when I know it fits, I remove the price tag so the dress or pants or shirt is ready to wear. Sometimes that day!
Personal Perspectives Important Readings
I enjoy some pieces of heirloom jewelry and happily donate others. How wonderful I feel when I see a loved one enjoying an inheritance. I can see their joy in wearing a piece of family jewelry as long as I’m alive. Sometimes I get comments that I look very nice because I wear my short blue woolen coat with gold buttons when I go to the market. If I don’t wear it today, when will I wear it when I want? NowI quietly whisper out loud.
