“If someone comes and puts a bullet in your heart, it’s useless to stand there and scream at that person. It’s better to focus on the fact that there is a bullet in the heart…” – Pema Chodron
My beloved Irish grandmother was pragmatic and no-nonsense. She made my clothes from scratch and was thrifty by cutting up fabric and reusing tea bags as if it were still potato starch. But she was also full of magic, and we spent hours in the garden looking for leprechauns and four-leaf clovers as she regaled us with Celtic stories and legends.
The reality of my loved one when I was only eight years old was a brutal introduction to the difficult and profound practice of acceptance. And even though she was gone, there was and still is so much in me. This dichotomy of being both practical and creative—finding stability and yet connecting to something creative and intangible beyond—was key to understanding what acceptance is.
Faith and perseverance
One of my favorite Celtic stories is about the ethereal and mysterious goddess Rhiannon. She is described as magnetic and serene, wearing golden silk, riding a shining white horse, and moving at a speed that no one can catch. She meets a prince, marries and gives birth to a boy. However, she is wrongly accused of killing her newborn baby, and even though she is innocent, all the evidence points otherwise.
Rhiannon accepts his punishment with humility and submission. As a penance, he carries the visitors on his back through the castle gate. He stands with dignity and in the truth that he knows who he really is. When her son is later found alive and he is exonerated, Rhiannon seeks no revenge, only peace. Her strength is not in passivity, but in the strength to face suffering with determination and faith in the progress of life.
This reflects two key teachings of Patanjali Yoga Sutras:
-
Ishwara Pranidhana: Surrendering to what is and offering it with deep trust to something greater than ourselves.
-
Sthira Sukham Asam: The balance of durability and ease prescribed by Patanjali.
Acceptance is not resignation. It rests in deep trust, perseveres in the face of confusion, when the world misjudges us, walks with grace, and gives strength that, like Rhiannon, comes from patience.
Keep yourself who you are
The ancient Greek and Roman philosophers, the Stoics, also believed that it was important to maintain your identity. They suggested we practice acceptance and be clear about our ethics and act accordingly, no matter what. Seneca said that true peace comes from recognizing what you can and cannot control. We cannot control external circumstances, but we can control our response to them. We can use our ability to stay grounded, connect with our center, and live flawless lives.
Dharma and the path we have not chosen
Another main theme we see in it Gita is dharma – goal, path or task. Part of yoga practice involves gaining clarity so that we can understand what our dharma is. When we know our dharma and act accordingly, we can live a meaningful life.
Sometimes, we don’t choose our dharma; chooses us. Life happens and sends us on a different path. We can be like Arjuna GitaWe are standing on a battlefield that we are not in and we really don’t want to be in. When Arjuna is paralyzed by the reality of fighting his family, Krishna does not offer to run away. He tells Arjuna that this is his dharma. He may not have chosen this path, but it has chosen him.
This is where acceptance lives – by acknowledging that this is our life. We recognize where we are and do the best we can in that moment. Instead of wishing things were different, we choose wisely how to respond. The internal battlefield—the one in our minds—is often the hardest to navigate.
Silence
Patanjali tells us citta (mind) around a vrtti or detour. Thoughts go around, stay in a circle. Often, the thoughts that get in the way of acceptance are “buts”: “But it’s not my fault”, “But it’s not fair”, “But it’s not what I planned.”
Sadhanaor conscious practice, can Nirodha (stop) that circuit. Pranayama (breath control), dharana (concentration), dhyana (meditation) and asana (postures) are practical ways to eliminate thoughts. We sit on the mat and move or sit in meditation and observe the body as it is, without attachment to what is or isn’t. When we change postures and breath, we take a break from the storm of thoughts. We notice the mind wandering and instead, lovingly bring it back to the present moment.
Accept yourself
Acceptance of others starts with being good to yourself. When you observe the breath, body, and mind without judgment, you embrace self-awareness. Then we go deeper and look at all the parts of ourselves that we reject. By practicing yoga, we learn to accept each moment and experience as it is, knowing that it, like everything else, passes.
